Things Done Changed
There is a point in your life when you realize that nothing lasts forever, priorities change, and people move on. Before the pandemic, my life was a blast. I was always out having a good time and enjoying every moment of life.
Then 2020 came, and it rocked my world for the worst. We went into lockdown, and I never knew how to handle it. The government told us that it would be for a week or so, but lockdown lasted for more than a year. I felt alone and empty, and my depression came back. To make matters worst, the people I thought I could depend on – the people who I thought would be there disappeared. I felt abandoned, and I let the fear of abandonment get the best of me. I always felt like the people who I trust and consider close, will one day leave me and the pandemic made my fears come true.
It was in the moment of darkness; I realized my life needed to change. A few months into the pandemic, and I started to make serious changes in my life. I’m not sure if my decisions were good or bad, but the changes I made changed me into a different person. I wasn’t the funny and warm person I once was. I became more reserved and kept the funny and warm sides of me hidden as I was tired of showing that side and getting hurt.
The worst feeling of emptiness, is when people who know you and your life circumstances, give up on you and instead of trying to work it out - they leave you in the cold and move on. I kept more to myself and started to do things alone. When the lockdowns were lifted, and my old friends reached out to me, I kept my distance from them.
I realized that I had to build new friendships and find people that accept me for who I am - luckily, I did. Finding a new social group and people who I can count on helped me deal with everything going on in my life, and slowly helped me find myself once again.
More than two years since the start of the pandemic, and I can say “things done changed.” The Matthew Plummer that you once knew, is a transformed person. The last two years gave me time to soul search and find out who I am. I’m much more vocal now and will speak my mind when necessary. My perceptions of people and the world is different.
Now I know that I can’t rely on anyone to bring me happiness. I am the only person who can create true happiness in my life. There are days when I miss who I used to be, but in life you must change in order to grow. If the pandemic didn’t happen, I don’t think I would have made these necessary changes. My story of the pandemic can’t compare to what others went through, but what I went through, I wouldn’t want that for anyone. Sometimes you must go through the hard times, navigate through the dark places in order to become who you are destined to be.
Change isn’t always easy, but sometimes change is the best thing that could happen to you.
Matthew Plummer