I remember walking through the mall at five years old in awe as I stared at the lady who filled the honey bear containers with colored sand. My mom apologetically said, “not this month”. Growing up, my Afghan mom was my only role model. Although she couldn’t read or speak English she managed to keep me alive, fed and in school. She taught me everything I needed to know in this world. The one person that never left me no matter how hard things got. She never gave up, even in the darkest times, when resources were scarce and everything we knew was violent; she maintained her will to love despite being shown nothing but pain. She wasn’t always completely here because of her trauma and mental illness. I had to save her a couple times too. But she is my everything - even though neither of us is perfect. My identity lies within my mother. She taught me that the world was a broken place and the truth remains in gesture not words; she taught me what it meant to choose love always. She showed me the true strength of a woman. She reminded me that no matter how dark things got, to always stay colorful. When I thanked my mom for raising me she said “don’t thank me thank god, he raised you, he gave you strength and sent angels to protect you.” That’s a fact. But patterns repeat themselves and I did fall into the same violence, my mom did everything to protect me against. I survived a lot of things; poverty, sexual violence, rape, and abusive relationships... the list gets darker. But on the flip side I also achieved a great deal of things; I completed my Bachelors with honors and a certificate in indigenous studies, I maintained leadership positions and ran various art clubs, I followed my passion in acting and creating, I managed to be there for the people I love. Life taught me many lessons and I can honestly say I am a lot stronger now and I believe in my capacity to achieve my dream, which is to act, create and pursue the arts. Everything I had been through made me not fear failure. I am not scared and there is real power in that. I appreciate all the support and opportunities I have been given. Art is powerful; it can heal a person, allows for expression and reflection and asks the subconscious some serious questions. All I hope is that I live a life where art never leaves me, because I need it.
Fatima