Gandhi once said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself”. I have lost myself so many times, that I’ve lost count. Living with the guilt of the things I did in the past and the people I let down, shattered me into pieces. Pieces that I’m still trying to put back together, but I’m trying. So if you’re going to ask me or want me to tell you who I am, it’s hard to tell. But I can tell you I was called a monster, menace, bad influence, low life, son of a bit**, and so much more, all at a young age. And if I have to be honest, I did deserve to be called that because I wasn’t the best person. But in life, sometimes certain things that are going on can shape your identity. Growing up in a single parent home, being a bad son, and dealing with speech impediment, that was me, and that’s how a lot of people saw me for a few years. Someone once told me that “in order to find the right path, you have to go through the ugly path”, and I been on that ugly path for years. And during my time on that path I did some things that I’m not proud of and things I could never forgive myself for, but to find out who you really are you need to go through the darkness. When people used to tell my mom how bad I was, and how I wasn’t going to become anything in life, she would always defend me and tell them that I’m a good kid. She was one of the few people that believed in me, she saw the good. Today, I still don’t know who I am, but the interesting thing is now people look at me as a hero, loyal friend, protector, someone they can count on. I think that’s awesome, but I think I could do better. We all have identity problems, but identity is who you are within. It’s cool that everyone is creating an identity for me, but I’m still a work of art that needs a lot more work. So if you want to really know who I am, talk to me, break bread with me and I can promise you, you will see Matthew Plummer, and I can promise you won’t be sorry.
Matthew Plummer